This week I will feed my body the nutrition it needs to get in my five-six days of movement. I have decided to concentrate more on the exercise effort and try not to be such a slave to the scale. I am 175 exactly, and it can be frustrating to have such a slow weigh loss but I know that is ok. Slow is better than not at all, and 175 looks much better to me than 207. This week I will focus on nutrition for fueling my workouts, and strength, flexibility and stamina. I have just challenged myself and I accept and I am raring to go.
This week was the 30 year anniversary of the death of Karen Carpenter, who passed away from cardiac arrest due to her years of battling Anorexia Nervosa. I did not know that earlier this week when I started feeling like I wanted to listen to her melancholy tunes, her haunting melodies are like no other. She had a voice that was one in a million. That made me do a little research about her. When she passed in 1983 little was known about eating disorders. She had suffered from Anorexia for years, and when you see her in photos and live television appearances it is shocking how frail she appears. Now much more is known about the two eating disorders, and sadly her death brought awareness to the diseases.
When I started dancing at 13, an adult director told me to lose 30 lbs, and that began years of strange dieting and deprivation of food. Ironically enough I began my issues around the same time Karen Carpenter passed away, but I had no idea and that was not what started my battle.
I just wanted to be thin, not realizing I already was thin. I fought my own body type. I am built like Italian women often are, I have curves in my chest and bottom but when I was younger I did not. I did not have breasts, and I thought that was how dancers looked and I continued on with my diligent dieting. Once I starved for four days and took a box of laxatives, I must have been about twenty at the time. When I was 18 a doctor told my Mother I was heading down the dark path of Anorexia, but my weight seemed normal to her for my age and height so it was never addressed. People did not know then what they do now. Now eating disorders are treated similar to problems with addiction. I knew a bulimic girl who attended a 12 step program to help fight her battle.
Here are some younger photos of myself. Note I fought to be in this weight range, my lowest was 100 pounds. I have learned my lessons and now I nurture my temple.
|Sister Dona on my left with a friend. I think was 19, I am totally flat chested, lol.|
|Mid 20's too thin and no color at all. The jacket is wearing me, it is all shoulder pads, lol.|
Somewhere along the line I stopped the starving rituals, and I really began eating more normally when I met my husband James at the age of 30. I realized I met someone who loved me for who I was, someone who thought I was more beautiful on the inside than the outside. I will never forget the simple moment of going for an ice cream sundae with him in Cleveland, Ohio in 1998. Before he came along I hated eating with someone I was interested in.
Through the years as my weight when up and down I would go back to extreme dieting. I did not starve like I did in my young years, but I would still practice other forms of deprivation and extreme dieting. Now, I have to monitor my potassium. Just the after affects of years of doing that to my body.
Ironically enough I would end up really overweight in 2013. Here I am in 2014, after gaining the most weight ever in 2013 I have lost 33 pounds the sane and healthy way. I am on a path of learning what it feels like to treat my body as a temple, not only for aesthetic reasons but for my health and well being. So, on my weigh in day as I ponder the scale staying almost the same, I will revel in the fact that I am stronger than I was yesterday, and each and every day is a new beginning. With the inspiration of the athletes of the Olympics, and many of my amazing friends I have in my corner I am more motivated now than ever. I will also focus on the gratitude I have for those motivating me as I continue my health and well being journey. I could not go it alone.
Since it is taking some time to get to my next ten pound milestone and my next charity I have decided in the meantime to give more back in between charities. My friend Meagan and I are going back to Alexandria House this coming Wednesday with some delicious goodies for the families who reside there for the Valentines holiday. We are going Wednesday night and staying for dinner. I look forward to the visit and I am thankful again to Seasons 52 for offering to donate mini indulgences to take along with our homemade baked goods. A big thanks to Monica, Chef Jessica, Chef Veronica, Meagan, and all the managers of Seasons 52 in Century City California who have gone beyond to help me give back.
Valentine's day is all about love.
Off for the day, much love and light to you.
Remember you are a beautiful creature of the universe, just the way you are.