Tuesday, December 31, 2013


As the end of the year dawns I find myself lamenting on all of the moments, good and bad. At the start of 2013 I was not in a happy place. I started working for the first time at Seasons 52 in Century City CA, and while this job would later prove to be an instrument in many of my positive changes that were to come later in the year; at the time it created a time management problem. I ceased all yoga and working out and let myself go.  At the start of the New Year my weight had risen to an all time high, I was 207 lbs. I refused to let anyone take a picture of me that was full body. I had tried to hide my weight gain to everyone, especially to myself. Denial is common with weight gain.

For me, confidence and weight go hand in hand. My confidence was at an all time low. In NYC I had attended poetry readings and open mics frequently and I loved reading my poetry in front of an audience. Here in California I refused to read publicly, I did not feel like myself and did not wish to put myself out there. As a former dancer I mourned my dancing days, and I felt full of regret. I had taken a self esteem dive, and I was drowning in the after affects of the tsunami that my overweight sense of self had created. I did attend one poetry reading with my wonderful friend Xiomara, and this photograph above would help me take a long hard look at myself. It would be months before I had the courage to make positive changes, A storm was literally about to brew.

The last weekend of January I noticed our beloved tabby cat Stormy was not eating. I immediately took her to the veterinarian, and within a day she was diagnosed with renal failure. James and I were walking zombies, but we made the decision to try to give her a chance with home fluids. She deteriorated fast, and on that Thursday she passed away in our bed. It was a surreal moment, we heard a cat rustling around in the living room and a meow come from that direction and minutes later she was gone. We believe she was telling us that she was ok and it was time to go. 2013 had a cruel beginning. We were completely crushed, to us pets are family. Our family unit was broken, and we were truly devastated. Picking up the pieces would take a few months of healing and love.

A lot of the love came from our friends and family. The out pour of support was so comforting. The staff at Trader Joe's in West Hollywood gave us a Dragon Plant for healing. We burned sage, had the apartment professionally cleaned and bought new bedding. We were told to do all of these things to clear out the sickness and negativity that lingered. It did seem to lighten up the space. 

Our other cat Rascal was grieving too, so in April we decided to adopt our second Siamese cat Spanky. Spanky was found by a wonderful couple in Long Beach, and we made the trek to bring him to his forever home. We would always love and miss Stormy but we felt Rascal needed a companion.  We love Spanky with all of our hearts, he is a quirky yet loving cat. We were finally starting to see some light again.

In May we decided a get-a-way was badly needed, so we booked a weekend in San Diego at the Grand Hyatt Regency. Trains are my favorite way to see the country, so we took Amtrak's Pacific Surfliner all the way to San Diego. The Grand Hyatt Regency was an amazing experience.  We received the best service and a room with a beautiful view of the bay. We took the ferry over to Coronado Island and visited the famous Hotel Del Coronado, where the film Some Like It Hot with Marilyn Monroe was filmed. Getting away was just what I needed to inspire me to move forward with my goals. Sometimes you need to get away to see your life from a different vantage point. You relax, rejuvenate and are able to see the possibilities that await back home..... 

My New Year's resolutions for 2013 would take six months to begin, but better late than never.

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